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Joke of the Day

"Me: so I'm delusional? Doctor: yes. Me: and you're a delusion? Doctor: yes. Me: I want a second opinion. Pink Dragon: you're delusional."

"Feminism is a broad issue."

"*I gently close front door Dog: Where have you been?? I was worried sick about you! See that vomit on the floor? That's because of you!"

"I invented a Glass Coffin, but I don't know if it will catch on. Remains to be seen."

"IHTGYATSWTFIM = I had to Google your acronym to see what the fuck it meant."

"You know what would be better than Trump 2016? Kony 2016."

"What do you call a fuzzy philosopher? BEARistotle I'm so sorry"

"I was not a particularly small child. I was the one who always got picked to play Bethlehem in the school nativity."

"Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked."

"Where does an angry pirate get sent? Anchor Management"