122459

Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick up your ass!"

"She: But WHY are you breaking up with me? Please tell me honestly. He (sigh): Ok It's...your ""signature sex move"" She: Judgmental Corpse?"

"A fat guy walks into a bar [deleted]"

"Jesus loves you is comforting to hear in church, but terrifying to hear in a Mexican prison."

"Me: Did it hurt when you fell from Kevin? Friend: Yes, because Kevin's friggin tall and sucks at giving piggy back rides Kevin: bro"

"Well, well, well. Looks like I may have a lawsuit on my hands: a gynecologist refused to treat me, and I'm pretty sure it's because I'm gay."

"*sees Arnold Schwarzenegger working at Walmart* ""hey Arnold, kitchen appliances are toward the back of aisle B right?"" ""YES. AISLE B, BACK"""

"You want to know what marriage is like? Think of a prison... Now don't change anything."

"What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!"

"90% of parenting is giving up the last fried cheese stick to your kid and pretending you're OK with it."