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Joke of the Day

"Hubs: "" Few glasses of wine tonight hun""? Me: "" Yeah, I had a glass of red"" Hubs : "" Just one eh"" Me: "" Well I use the same glass"""

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out man."

"My girlfriend told me to roleplay as her daddy. So I left her."

"What's the similarity between Divorce and tornados in the Midwest? Someone's losing their trailer"

"I was intimate with a clown once. She just tickled my funny bone."

"I have this Jewish friend. Hebrew beer for a living."

"Lucy plans elaborate jewel heist. Lucy dons cat burglar suit to conceal identity. Lucy pulls off heist. Lucy in disguise with diamonds."

"Why aren't there many women on death row? Ladies first."

"A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac lay awake all night wondering if there is a dog. EDIT: Credit to David Foster Wallace."

"Policeman:""Sir, we have sufficient evidence to believe that this vehicle has been stolen. Me: how Policeman: Step out of the tank Sir"