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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me to roleplay as her daddy. So I left her."

"On Jeopardy This is the largest mammal in the animal kingdom. *leans into mic* ""Who is, your mother?"""

"Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear."

"Did you hear about the alligator who couldn't get a hard-on? He had a reptile dysfunction."

"I had to put my dog down today... He's getting to damn big to carry."

"Two guys are drinking at the country club bar... First guy says, ""Hey, you want to go play some golf?"" Second guy says, ""No, not today."" ""Why not?"" ""Because I never drink and drive."""

"why didn't the cannibal want to be late to dinner? Because he didn't want to get the cold shoulder."

"When I die I want the people I did group projects with to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time."

"WebMD is a Choose Your Own Adventure book where every single story ends in malignant cancer"

"A man goes into Boots and says: ""Have you got Viagra? Do you have a prescription?"" asks the chemist. ""No,"" he replies, ""But I've got a photograph of the wife..."""