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Joke of the Day

"Jim: Tim, see if the indicator lights are working... Tim: Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no..."

"Someone stole my pencil sharpener and now I can't stab people anymore."

"What does a nerd and a bad baseball player have in common? They both can't get to first base!"

"I like my woman how I like my books Leather-bound and broken spined."

"I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Eats Her Feelings Julie' and 'Loves Abortions Brenda'."

"For the past couple of years, I have been saying that the only holidays worth celebrating are the equinoxes and the solstices. I find all of the others to be astronomically unimportant."

"What do Hurricane Irene and Kim Kardashian have in common? They blow the whole east coast and there's videos online."

"What do you get when you put root beer in a square glass? Beer"

"Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich."

"My wife accused me of being immature... I told her to get out of my fort."