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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend says she's my best friend but she got so mad when I called her a homo and threw a snowball at her face. Women are so confusing"

"What did the buffalo say to his son when he went to college? Bison."

"Ph.D students should not eat apples... Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."

"[French restaurant] DANIEL: Promise me, not again MIYAGI: Promise. [raises hand] Garcon? [waiter comes] D: Don- M: [waves hand] Garcoff"

"The only difference between the people I've dated and Charles Manson is that Manson has the decency to look like a nut case when you first meet him."

"I bought my epileptic friend a strobe light for his birthday. He's going to have a fit when he sees it."

"Do not open is the most annoying clickbait title."

"I bought my girlfriend 2 presents for her birthday I got her a new pair of shoes and a dildo. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself."

"Sometimes I think my dog is only interested in food, then I realise that's mostly all I'm interested in as well. He's alright."

"I heard this one from a crotchety old guy at Dunks yesterday What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire? Bernadette!"