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Joke of the Day

"I'm getting engaged next month. Not because I'm in love but because it's gonna look dope on Instagram."

"What do you do when you are done with the vegetables? You put them back in the wheelchair"

"It has been brought to my attention that people stickers on car windows are NOT pedestrian kills,but family members. Removing mine ASAP."

"What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head? Dead."

"Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children."

"Why do pterodactyls use the bathroom so quietly? Because their p is quiet."

"Statistically 6 out of 7 Dwarfs are not Happy."

"Doc: have you been displaying any symptoms of vampirism? Me: I've been.. Doc: ... Me: ... Doc: ... Me: ... Doc: ... Me: Coffin. Doc: get out"

"When a woman tels you it's five minutes, then it's five minutes. Don't need to ask her every quarter of an hour."

"I used to think I was into necrophilia, sadism, and bestiality... once I tried it, I realised I was just beating a dead horse."