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Joke of the Day

"My Somalian friend asked me the other day... If I had ever tried Somalian food. ""No, I've never had any,"" I said. ""That's all right,"" he said, ""neither have Somalians."""

"A long time ago, I learned the importance of just being myself. I think the world would be a better place if everyone would just be myself."

"I got arrested today for feeding the homeless guys on my street... And to top it off, the cops took away my potato gun."

"What weighs 2 lbs and is full of shit? Donald Trump's shoes"

"In 8th grade I had to take care of an egg to teach me responsibility. That egg hatched, and I raised the chicken as my own. He was delicious"

"I get you, anti-evolution people. I'm too lazy to learn science too."

"Waiter there is a maggot in my soup ! Don't worry sir he won't last long in there !"

"Probably the worst time to ask ""shouldn't we go on a date first?"" is after getting handcuffed by a police officer."

"My boss just said, ""Everyone dies alone."" I told him, ""you don't have to die alone, just get in your car and aim for a school bus."""

"If twitter isn't a drug then someone please explain to me why I sneak into the bathroom at work to use it."