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Joke of the Day

"I get you, anti-evolution people. I'm too lazy to learn science too."

"Photosynthesis is the process used by plants to convert a picture into a thousand words"

"Still don't know what I did wrong. My girlfriend was happy when I brought her home a bouquet of flowers. Her mood changed when I told her I found them by a lamp post."

"Know what ""buffet"" stands for? Big Ugly Fat Fuckers Eating Together. Credit: This loud big ugly fat fucker drinking a few tables away from me at this bar."

"Girl, you're just like hell... because I'd kill to enter you."

"[woman on death row] ""Your last meal?"" - I don't care. You pick. ""Fish?"" - Gross no ""Steak?"" - No. Anything is fine tho. ""Pasta?"" - Ew carbs"

"Are your parents retarded? ...because you're one special lady!"

"Did you hear about the old chameleon that couldn't change color? He had *a reptile dysfunction*."

"Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day. I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I'm never gonna give you Up."

"Time = Money because you SPEND it!"