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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a homeless guy fall asleep with a lit cigarette in his mouth. Which probably explains why he's homeless."

"U want to hear a great joke? ""A great joke"" but you have to speak it out yourself."

"If Donald Trump becomes president, we could finally out-crazy North Korea."

"""My god...we're monsters,"" I murmured to a local monster, who nodded sympathetically"

"After writing Revelations, John ask God... ""Lord, the end will be signaled by trumpets?"" ""*No, by Trump/Pence.*"" ""Right, so trumpets."" ""*Fuck it, they'll figure it out.*"""

"Why did the cheese get sent to the asylum? Coz 'e-mmental!"

"What if you had an eye in your asshole? Imagine all the shit you would see..."

"Why does Edward Woodwood have four D's in his name? Because otherwise his name would be E-war Woo-woo."

"Did you hear about the sexually frustrated lawyer? He got off on a technicality."

"""Shoot it down."" ""But, Mr. Putin... it's clearly a sleigh... pulled by Reindeer."" ""Shoot. It. Down."""