101726

Joke of the Day

"""Shoot it down."" ""But, Mr. Putin... it's clearly a sleigh... pulled by Reindeer."" ""Shoot. It. Down."""

"A smoker at work can ""step out for a smoke"" every 20 minutes but if I say ""I'm going to go outside and just stand there"" I'm a bad employee."

"How many people from Quebec does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One: He holds the bulb and the rest of Canada revolves around him."

"We could make the world much greener this #earthday if we simply banned red and blue"

"Did you see the guy at Walmart hiding from ugly people?"

"Why did the Square divorce the Circle? It was sleeping around."

"Remember, your toilet is just afraid of you as you are of it."

"Operator: ""9-1-1 please hold..."" Me: ""Ok. Hey, stop stabbing me for a second."" Murderer: ""K."""

"What is Cthulu's favorite pizza? deep dish"

"I rated that girl a 10 on the pH scale because she looked pretty basic."