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Joke of the Day

"I bought a vacant piece of land recently, and every night someone keeps depositing soil on the land. I still can't figure out who it is. The plot thickens."

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"What do call an Asian person who sucks at jokes ? Obvious-lee"
"This bar smells so bad and I can't tell who's homeless and who's a hipster."
"guy at work: ""good weekend?"" me: [in next toilet stall] ""please leave me alone"""
"What do you call a blonde with brown hair? artificial intelligence"
"CLICKBAIT TITLE (*bad pun goes here*) (*necessary edit acknowledging upvotes and more bad puns in comments*) (*necessary second edit for the anon's gold*)"
"What do you call a very unfriendly, female dog? A cunt."
"Hello? Is the Communist Party here? Delete my subscription. I just won the lottery."
"I couldn't get an erection while having sex with my wife... So I took her to a nice dinner. There was no hard-feelings."
"Most of us can keep a secret. It's the people we tell it to who can't."