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Joke of the Day

"I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. And then it hit me. It was because we were inflating it."

"how do you get a dog to stop licking his balls?, pick it up and suck its dick."

"I lift the toilet seat to take a piss and my girlfriend forgot to flush and the water is red. My first thought.... ...do we have any juice boxes in the fridge?"

"I've consumed three coffees plus two energy drinks with black carrot and what I'm trying to say is there won't be commas in my tweets today."

"From my 4 year old: What do you call a penguin that can't win? A peng-lose!"

"A Hardcore atheist, A dedicated vegan, and an avid cross-fiter walk into a bar. how can you tell which one is which? They tell you."

"So the American people's choices for President of the United States will most likely be Donald Trump or Hilary Clinton. That's it. That's the joke. There is no punchline."

"Have you heard of the new Divorced Barbie Doll? It comes with all of Ken's stuff!"

"Nothing freaks out people like unblinking eye contact in a public restroom. Especially when you do it from underneath the stall divider."

"Why are doritos triangular? Because they are illuminachos."