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Joke of the Day
"Life is like toilet paper you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."
Next Joke
"Everyone keeps telling me... Everyone keeps telling me ""There are plenty of fish in the sea"" and I keep telling them ""NO way in hell, I am gonna fuck a fish"""
"My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it."
"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who's trying to get home? A taxi"
"Tonight at the Who concert As the band started up ""You Better You Bet"", the guy next to me stood up to go get a drink. So I asked him - ""Not a fan of their new album?"""
"A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it."
"What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic? About halfway"
"What is a ninja's favorite beverage? WA-TAHHHHH! Edit: **notBenstar** and **dogboyboy** are correct... Ninjas are silent killers. So, it should read: ""What is Bruce Lee's favorite beverage."""
"[ First Date ] Her: So you're a MMA fighter? * flashback to me kickboxing a mannequin at Nordstrom's * Me: Yea, I'm still training"
"I've never seen an ""outtie"" belly button in all the years of porn I've watched. I'm kinda glad, I don't want my eyes to get poked out."