17340

Joke of the Day

"Life is like toilet paper you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole."

"What do you call it when an ex pees on you? EX-STREAM!"

"God: You'll be cursed to travel the desert for 35 years Moses: *slipping him $20* How about 30 [Later] Moses: We must wander for 40 years"

"Feminists have been banned from walking past my local garden center In case they take a fence"

"What's the most beautiful thing in mathematics? A cute angle"

"Shot my first turkey today. Scared everyone in the frozen meat department."

"What do a priest and a swimmer who came in second have in common? The both came in a little behind"

"Why is K-9 another term for a dog? Because if it was a cat, it would be a K-10."

"Boy, are you a salad? Because I don't want you."

"911: What is your emergency. M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she's smiling. Please hurry."