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Joke of the Day

"My New Year's resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it."

"Girls wait for the perfect guy: Disney's fault. Guys wait for the perfect girl: Playboy's fault."

"What is a baby's favorite Fall Out Boy song? Thanks For The Mammaries"

"What do you do about a bird that shits in your car? Never ask her out again."

"I don't understand the appeal of strip clubs... All you do is throw money at women who refuse to have sex with you. If I wanted that I would be married."

"I'm not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom."

"What do you call a pilot who tries to tell a joke but gets distracted and crashes his plane into a building? A comickaze"

"Note: When you cut jeans into shorts, remember to wear the top half, not the bottom half. lol. these denim calf warmers tickle my legs."

"My cat refuses to approach strangers. He's such a pussy."

"What do you call a school that teaches you how to draw hairy butts? Colon-hairy Arts School!"