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Joke of the Day

"I was going to make a joke about a broken pencil... but it would be pointless."

"Alsation: Was your master playing catch with you? Chihuahua: No I was playing throw with her!"

"What is the difference between a hormone and a enzyme ? You can't hear an enzyme."

"[Record Shop] Me: Hi, have you got anything by the Doors? Shopkeeper: No, we have to keep all exits clear in case of emergencies."

"Capitalization... It's the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"Tomorrow's Thanksgiving! Have a fowl meal!"

"""I'm the world champion of hearing,"" I lied to the girl at the bar. 20 minutes later the real world champion burst in and hit me in the jaw"

"When i was a kid, my father said he wanted me to be an autodidact. I asked him what that word meant. He told me to look it up. Happy Father's Day, everyone!"

"My SO is giving me the silent treatment, so I tightened all the lids of our jars. Now she'll have to talk to me."

"I sent a text to my friend's mobile: ""Lost my contacts. Send me your number"". He replied with his name and number."