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Joke of the Day

"I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard. I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg. That'll blow his Lil mind"

"Art Teacher: The picture of the horse is good but where is the wagon ? Pupil: The horse will draw it !"

"What do you call someone who takes everything literally? A kleptomaniac!"

"I'm doing a book signing at Barnes & Noble today. Nobody asked me to. It's not even my book."

"I was in the supermarket and I thought I saw my name on a loaf of bread. I looked again and it said ""thick cut""."

"You stop bad music with a tuning fork. How do you stop bad singing? A pitchfork"

"Why do the poles shift? to find better jobs"

"Did you hear about that new liberal episcopal church? It has six commandments and four suggestions"

"What did the little ghost eat for lunch? A booloney sandwich!"

"When I'm feeling inadequate, I remember that there are women who marry their prison pen pals, and then my own decisions don't seem so bad."