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Joke of the Day

"What was the anti-aging makeup company's slogan? Make America 8 again"

"My doctor told me I had to quit masturbating Turns out it was because he was trying to examine me"

"Not only are all my tweets stolen, but so are all my thoughts. And everything I say. And my identity. And this baby."

"I thought it was sweet that the Democratic debate maintained a Paris related theme... The whole debate was Bernie Sanders and Martin O'Malley Eiffel Towering Hillary Clinton."

"Just printed out 50 copies of today's weather forecast to carry around with me today because I'm just not in the mood for small talk."

"I hate being ""backwards guy"" when moving funiture. I could get hurt."

"I know a place where the recycling rate is 99% /r/jokes"

"[magician rolls over in bed] ""Last night was amazing"" Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast? Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]"

"What has six balls and screws everybody? The lottery."

"*Takes drive down memory lane *Gets a DUI"