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Joke of the Day

"I thought it was sweet that the Democratic debate maintained a Paris related theme... The whole debate was Bernie Sanders and Martin O'Malley Eiffel Towering Hillary Clinton."

"taylor swift: oh my god look at that face you look like my next mistake me [with mouth full of like way too many Doritos]: what"

"What's Homer Simpsons favourite toy? Bart."

"What do you call a lightbulb that holds the door for you? A polite bulb."

"Death be not proud. Death not so great with words, but happy to go out with any girl you want fix Death up with."

"When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty, will I be rich? Here's what she said to me: GO TO SLEEP."

"What did the boy with no hands get for christmas? Gloves! Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet."

"Me: Do not 'K' me again. Daughter: Que Me: In any language. Her: Si This is why I'm crazy."

"I love it when waiters tell me to tell them when to stop grating cheese on my meal. It's cheese, dude. We'll be here a while."

"I wonder, if I say ""Hi"" to everyone on here, how many ""Hi's"" I get back? So let me say Hi...."