209720

Joke of the Day

"Not only are all my tweets stolen, but so are all my thoughts. And everything I say. And my identity. And this baby."

"Nothing makes me feel more ""white collar"" than when I'm nodding my head at someone pointing to a line graph that I know nothing about."

"A classic Dutch bakerjoke * A man walks into a bakery. * Baker: How can I help you? * Man: I FUCKED YOUR MOTHER!!! * Baker: Get out dad, i'm trying to work."

"What is brown and sounds like a bell? Dung."

"Every time I hold a baby I have to talk my ovaries down like a hostage negotiator. ""18 to life, man. I KNOW IT SMELLS GOOD! Stay with me."""

"What's the difference between a feminist and a computer? You can punch information into a computer."

"I just flew into town and boy are my arms tired! Get it? Because, I've been jerking off on the plane..."

"Margaret Thatcher has only been in hell for half a day... ...but she's already sorted out Satan's budget deficit, busted up the demons' union and made Hitler cry during a debate."

"I thought about going into investment banking Then I lost interest."

"I like my men like I like my grapes Black and twenty at a time"