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Joke of the Day

"What do Santa and Jared from Subway have in common? They both leave kids rooms with an empty sack"

"Twitter management's favorite part of a book is always Chapter 11"

"Mariah Carey'a New Year's performance. That's it..."

"How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it."

"Just watched the amazing Spiderman 2, thought of this. I thought Spiderman was going to kick the crap out of electro, but it turns out he's black and blue to start with."

"Why is Budweiser like sex in a kayak? Its fucking close to water."

"Interviewer: What would you say is your greatest strength? Me: Definitely my insecurities. Very strong."

"i love nature :) sittin in grass, soakin up sun, listenin to all those weird ringtones that come from those animals in the trees or whatever"

"[babies txting] ""my dad's thumb just came off"" lol wtf ""wait its back on again nvm"" ok lmao ""he just stole my nose"" im phoning the police"

"Did you hear the joke about Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth? I guess I'll tell you all about it when I see you again."