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Joke of the Day

"Go ahead, post and claim my tweets as your own. Maybe later, if you like, I'll come satisfy your woman and you can take credit for that too."

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"Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him."
"I try to teach my mom something new everyday Because apparently you're supposed to learn from your mistakes."
"What does an Italian... What does an Italian have when one arm is shorter than the other? A speech impediment. AY!"
"I've had a revelation from God himself! and he told me to share it with you all! It's hmm...ehhh... wait just a second, damn I think I have forgotten it! bah can't have been that important then"
"What do you find in a zombie's veins? Dead blood corpuscles."
"Is it bad to hate a certain race? Because I despise the 100 meter"
"Whats the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby i just killed? Newton died a virgin"
"""Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."" ""Peter, you've reposted that joke for over 8 years now, please stop flooding the subreddit with that."""
"In light of MLK day... African american culture has fought so hard not to have to sit at the back of the bus. But they still do anyway."