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Joke of the Day

"Coworker: You look tired. Did you not get enough sleep last night? Me: Nope. Slept great! But thanks for telling me I look like shit."

"So I finally figured out how click bait works..."

"Women are always complaining that I make too many 'dick' jokes but I don't understand why. I mean, that's the only part of me guaranteed to make them laugh."

"If she doesn't have a new hair style by the time you're done, you're doing it wrong."

"I think I might be a wizard... every time I push open a door it becomes ajar."

"I play online Simpsons trivia games against little kids in foreign countries and I lose"

"4-year-old: Tell me a scary story! Me: One time little people popped out of your mom and they never stopped asking questions. 4: Why?"

"Avoid unwanted pregnancies by using the ""pull out"" method where you pull out an acoustic guitar at a party & no one will have sex with you."

"My wife was happy when I told her a put a load in the dishwasher... Until 9 months later when Consuela's baby came out looking just like me!"

"An Irish guy walks out of a bar.... It could happen."