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Joke of the Day

"Head says ""Forget about her."" Heart says ""Tell her u love her."" Bottle of whisky says""Ride the cat around the house & you'll feel better."""

"You can call John Lennon a genius all you want, but the simple fact is he married Yoko Ono. Thats a big strike against the genius part."

"- Hey babe, do you like how I did my makeup? - Yes and if you want I can go and kill Batman with you."

"A patriotic Helen Keller song... ""Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it 'Maughhghariianoo oohhghhoo onooa oooaughhahg'."""

"I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to play on my drums. I also learnt that my neighbour has Tourette's."

"How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe."

"I'm not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?"

"I told my wife I love her like a Brit loves soccer... She looked worried and said, ""So you're going to get drunk and yell at me?"" EDIT: correcting auto-correct."

"What's lil Wayne's favorite pizza? Lil seizure"

"What's the best thing about elevator jokes? They work on so many levels"