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Joke of the Day

"A patriotic Helen Keller song... ""Helen Keller went to town, riding on a pony, stuck a feather in her hat and called it 'Maughhghariianoo oohhghhoo onooa oooaughhahg'."""

"*wife and I start having an argument in a crowded restaurant* *she storms out upset* *I follow* Outside: ""DINE AND DASH SUCCESS!"" *high 5*"

"Chuck Norris know's Victoria's Secret."

"How do you get ""Dick"" from Richard? You ask him politely."

"[Dirty] What do you call a tear in the American flag? An old glory hole."

"A girl to her friend... ""isn't that guy hot? I am gonna ask him out"" ""he doesn't look good when he laugh"" - said the other girl ""don't worry, he won't laugh anymore"""

"Monsters, Inc. 3: It's harder to make kids laugh The Internet has made them jaded The monster need help They teach the kids to smoke pot"

"The poodle said to the german shepherd.. ""Hey, you're foaming at the mouth! Do you have rabies?"" The german shepherd smiled and calmly replied ""Nah. I just got done blowing myself."""

"Friend: just make small talk *later, on date* Me: so...grains of sand Her: uh yea- Me: dwarves Her: are u okay- Me: bottle caps"

"If you were writing a TV show about politics and wrote it w/the storyline of this election people would write it off as unbelievable."