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Joke of the Day

"Water parks in California are now just regular parks"

"What happened when the carrot died? There was a huge turnip at the funeral."

"Today is a military command: March Fourth!"

"Management tip: 1) Slam phone down, 2) Grab briefcase, 3) Stomp out while mumbling about ""always having to fix things,"" 4) Sleep in car."

"I bumped into a cute guy today. I clawed his face off. I should work on my people skills."

"I've come to the conclusion that my sex life sucks. I was masturbating the other day, and my hand fell asleep."

"Saw this quote behind a auto rickshaw I couldn't afford a Volkswagen. Thus, auto."

"My cat was bitten by a squirrel and I have to suck the rabies out before she slips into a double cheese burger. --how I cancel dates"

"My girlfriend LOVES my toenails.. I'm starting to think she's a nailphile."

"What do space aliens put on their windows? Venutian blinds."