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Joke of the Day

"It's always fun running into an old friend you haven't seen in a while. But then you usually wind up regretting hitting them with a car."

"What's gray and comes in quarts? An elephant"

"[DIRTY] Eye exam Eye specialist: ""Sir, you need to stop masturbating."" &nbsp; Patient: "" Oh my God, is it ruining my eyesight?"" &nbsp; Eye specialist: ""No. It's disturbing the other patients."""

"What's the difference between firewood and a jew? The firewood ain't been turned into ash yet."

"What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? Utterly useless"

"A man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her? It was a bright sunny day."

"1) Lick tip. 2) Stick it in gently. 3) Pump 12-20 times. 4) Sweat profusely. 5) Pull out gently. -Instructions on inflating a basketball."

"How about a game where Mario gets a job and gets his coins like the rest of us."

"My friend had a failed suicide. I told him not to hang his head about it."

"If you text me in all CAPS, I will assume we are meeting In the street to fight in the near future."