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Joke of the Day

"At this point I'm a little offended the lady at #Chipotle still asks what I want. This is my 4th burrito today. Bitch, I know you know me."

"I give my stoner friends fruitcake for Christmas just so I can imagine them hating me a little while they can't help eating it."

"Marriage: when hanging out goes way too far."

"Why did 10 die? He was in the middle of 9/11"

"What did the clerk say to the customer who tried to buy a candy bar with plastic quarters? This is non-cents!"

"I made a joke for my dog tonight... Why did the cat cross the road? Splat *clap my hands*. It didn't!! (My dog loved it.)"

"What is a hooker in Alaska called? A frostitute!"

"A high schooler told his geology teacher that.. ""geology rocks!"" The teacher's response? ""that's Gneiss, but it's too bad you're so schist at it"" #\#rokt"

"How do you know you're golfing with a politician? When they get a hole-in-one they write down *zero* on the scorecard."

"What happened when the child molester lost his job? Classroom 3-A got a new teacher."