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Joke of the Day

"what does a man with a 9"" cock eat for breakfast? this morning, I ate some toast, cereal, coffee, bacon & eggs, hash browns..."

"[posing nude] ME: make sure to capture all of my body's contours DMV GUY: again, this is entirely inappropriate for a license photo"

"Why dont blind people skydive? because it scares the shit out of their dogs."

"Does anyone know how to save your game on twitter I've been playing for 2 years straight my mom is pissed"

"What did Joss say on the last day of shooting the Avengers? Whedon?"

"What is the rudest part of the body? The privates. They're either dicks or cunts."

"Ever heard of the ""door knocker""? No? It doesn't ring a bell?"

"My kids have strategically placed items in an overflowing garbage can like they're building a Jenga puzzle. Have kids. It's fun."

"ENEMY: can you smell that? That's fear. ME: the baked goods? ENEMY: no. focus on your fear. ME: we must be knife fighting behind a bakery"

"Know why New Yorkers are so cynical? For them, the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey."