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Joke of the Day

"People who ignore your texts are probably just busy looking at pictures of you. Keep trying. It's not weird"

"How does a musician make a million dollars? They start with 2 million."

"A man walks into a bar with a gun and yells ""WHO SLEPT WITH MY WIFE! I'M GONNA KILL 'EM!"" A man calmly stands up and says, ""You ain't got enough bullets, mate."""

"When a girl tells u about her favorite animal - ""I'd eat one"" is not the right response."

"Sometimes I wonder how shit life would be if electricity was never invented. I mean it would be terrible having to watch TV by candlelight."

"The inventor of rock, paper, scissors must have been an extremely dangerous man if he considered paper a weapon."

"What did the head say to the butt? Better to be ahead than behind."

"Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally"

"Cinco De Mayo Cinco De Ketchup Cinco De Mustard Cinco De Siracha Cinco De Ranch Dressing"

"What do you get when you cross worms with elephants? Big holes in your garden"