172021

Joke of the Day

"""Describe yourself in three words"" ""Lazy"""

"What do you get when you play country music backwards? You get your job back, you get your wife back and you get your tractor back."

"I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake. It had some chunks, but it was delicious."

"I hate these supposedly ""funny t-shirts"". Just the other day I saw one which on the front said ""I'm not gay..."" and on the back said ""but my boyfriend is"". So I asked my girlfriend to take it off."

"I finally met Miss Right! It wasn't until we were married that I found out her first name is Always."

"Brian Williams told me if I lied I can get to the front page."

"People who are ""just saying"" should try ""just shutting the fuck up."""

"My grandma told me her joints are getting weaker, so I told her to roll them tighter."

"What's the deal with airline food? Buy 2 get 1 free"

"#MarriedPeopleIssues You hang up.. No, you hang up... You hang up.... Noooo, you hang up. They're your clothes. I'm not your maid."