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Joke of the Day

"[interrogation] ""What do you do for a living?"" ""Kidnapper."" ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] ""I'm a pig rapper. I make farmyard hiphop."""

"I think I will have to go to the doctor soon. My father is a hypochondriac and I think it's hereditary. I'm starting to see the symptoms."

"The improper fraction help line is now open 24/7"

"CNN has just reported that Monika Lewinski will be helping with the Donald Trump for president campaign. Apparently, the last time she endorsed a Clinton, it left a bad taste in her mouth."

"What's the difference between oral sex and Anal sex? Oral sex will make your day, but Anal sex will make your hole week!"

"Been watching television without eating. I feel like I'm working."

"If vid games answered back in real time they'd move lots more units I DIED? BULLSHIT! ""Maybe if you didn't suck.."" *slams x-box on floor*"

"""Homie don't fleek doe,"" I say to a group of teenagers, hoping it means something."

"How does the sun cut his hair? Eclipse it."

"What does a child without arms get for x-mas? gloves! nah don't know, it hasn't opened the present yet"