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Joke of the Day

"Alligators and Condoms Are two things I don't fuck with"

"That tweet is awesome. You guys are awesome. Twitter is awesome. I've made awesome friends on Twitter. A thesaurus would be awesome."

"RIP Jordin Sparks She had no air"

"LPT: When cooking chicken, it needs a lot of support Alone, it tastes absolutely fowl."

"Hate it when we run out of clean towels so I have to ride my white stallion Gregory up and down the driveway real fast to dry my mullet"

"What did the lesbian vampire say to her lover? See you next month"

"Some young boy just knocked on my door saying ""I am collecting for the local swimming pool."" So I gave him a glass of water"

"Why didn't the sailors play cards on the deck? Because the captain was sitting on the top of the deck."

"A sad time in a dad's life is when your son finally dunks on you so you have to cut his hamstring while he sleeps so he can't do it again"

"A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3... He says ""uno... dos..."" *poof*! and disappears without a tres."