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Joke of the Day

"Spike from the Land Before Time movies is the best character ever! Literally in the first 30 seconds after hatching he yawns, eats an entire bush, and takes a nap, he's like me on valentines day."

"Got passed by a guy with a ponytail riding a moped so no I'm not ok."

"If that's his reaction to spinach, Popeye should never try cocaine."

"Three nuns are walking down the street, when a streaker runs past them. The first one has a stroke The second one has a stroke And the third doesn't touch him."

"What's a 6.9? Another great thing ruined by a period"

"oh so you rich guys throw the water out after you boil hotdogs. too good for hotdog soup. too good to dab the soup on your wrists like colog"

"My dad told me never to explain fashion to Tommy, Hilfiger."

"My drivers license says I'm an organ donor, but jokes on them because I own a piano."

"A Hindu and Muslim together makes for a surprise equillibrium Muslim keep beheading the Hindu. The Hindu keeps reincarnating."

"Punctuality is important. It's the difference between helping your uncle jack off a horse and arriving late to find he's already done it."