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Joke of the Day

"Spike from the Land Before Time movies is the best character ever! Literally in the first 30 seconds after hatching he yawns, eats an entire bush, and takes a nap, he's like me on valentines day."

"What do you call 2 gay Mexicans in bed? A Juan-on-Juan"

"Why is there cotton in pill bottles? To remind black people that they were cotton pickers before drug dealers."

"Small girl: I'd buy that dog but his legs are too short! Clerk: Too short ? Why all four of them touch the floor."

"Toys these days That awkward moment when your toys make three movies behind your back. -Andy"

"[estate planning] Advisor: Have you thought about an end-of-life gift? Me: I'll be dead, that's a big enough gift for everyone"

"Sorry for letting the air out of one of your tires, delivery guy, but based on the way you cut my pizza, I assumed you liked things uneven."

"Why don't the post office get the Jehovah's Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people."

"What lives in a tree and is dangerous? A crow with a machine gun."

"How does a guy prove he's tough? He jogs home after his vasectomy. . Fairly old, vasectomies may not be so bad any longer."