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Joke of the Day

"I think these protesters are sending the wrong message... because they keep telling me to Love Trump's Hate."

"""My eyes are down there!"" - Large-breasted blind woman pointing to her service dog."

"What's a dog's favorite mode of transportation? A waggin'"

"I went to the doctor the other day.... ... and told him, ""Every time I look in the mirror, I get a stiffy."" He looked at me and said, ""That's because you look like a cunt!"""

"Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies."

"4-year-old: What happens when you die? Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?"

"I saw that you ""liked"" my status. You want me, don't you?"

"I bought some shoes off a drug dealer But I don't know what he laced them with because I've been tripping all day..."

"A polish joke my grandpa told me: ""What happened to the Polish dog?"" He chewed off 3 legs and was still caught in the trap"

"Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was too tired..."