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Joke of the Day

"Einstein invented a theory about space... and it was about time too!"

"they say each cigarette you smoke takes 7-11 minutes off your life, last year i smoked 11,000 i dont look a day younger"

"Sean Spicer said the inauguration had the ""largest audience ever."" Then he took it back because your mother left."

"Q: How many senators does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two to sponsor the bill and thirty-three to constitute a quorum."

"How does a hamster propose to his girlfriend? With a hamst-ring! I'm sorry."

"I just did my budget for August. If I don't buy food ... I won't need toilet paper. I think I'm on to something here."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? The ""P"" is silent"

"What was white outside and black inside? The White House."

"An atheist, a vegan, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes."

"FLIGHT ATTENDANT: sir calm down ME (having panic attack): sorry I've never flown before PILOT (over intercom): dont worry neither have I lol"