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Joke of the Day

"Anyway, I heard some ""Norwegian black metal"" today. Let's just say there's a reason no one ever built cities on it..."

"[somebody steals my car] it's only metal. the important thing is no one was hurt [somebody steals my tweet] MAY VULTURES FEAST ON YOUR EYES"

"What cars do cows drive? Cattleacs"

"the statue of liberty was a trojan horse thing but it was too hard to break out of and it's full of skeletons now"

"I like to jump onto people's backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away"

"What do you call a person who makes a clever point during a discussion at another's expense? A Douche"

"How do you date a ghost? You 'WOOOO' him!"

"I want a Times New Roman on the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets."

"Not every badly unkempt guy is homeless. It could well be that he lives with 3 females and only 1 bathroom."

"Why do they carry Marines around on Naval ships? Because sheep would be too obvious."