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Joke of the Day

"My life is like a romantic comedy except there's no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes."

"When a topologist drops acid... ...is it called a Mobius Trip?"

"The nice thing about getting a pet lobster is that you can always threaten to eat it when your kid stops taking care of it."

"If you didn't want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder."

"If I was a girl my best friend would have to come untangle me at least twice a week because I tried to take my bra off through my sleeve"

"What is the best use for a wet dog?[x-post from /r/MeanJokes] Getting the smell of white people out of your house."

"Just flipped my son off behind his back because I'm an adult and don't get into arguments with 4 year olds."

"Who was the last President of China? Yes he was."

"Piggybaccks are like blowjobs Its only really fun for one person, and in both, someone gets off"

"Wanna hear a good joke? You."