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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear a good joke? You."

"[breaks into your house] [steals your shoes] [walks a mile in them] [judges you]"

"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer. ."

"If Groot played basketball He'd set the record for most tree pointers in a game."

"Journalists love covering Lindsay Lohan because what she is to actresses, they are to professions."

"Why did the cheerleader get kicked out on her last day of school?[x-post from /r/punny ] Because you can't end on a prep position."

"Why was the terrorist masturbating on the plane? He was hijacking it."

"Fun Fact: If you hear small kids running around laughing hysterically, within 2 min. at least one will be on the floor crying hysterically."

"What did the snail on the turtles back say? WEEEEEEEEEE!"

"You enter. ""I've been expecting you,"" I say from behind the massive swivel chair. I put too much leg into turning around & spin for 5 mins."