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Joke of the Day

"Playing video games cost me my life. Luckily, I've almost collected 100,000 Space Eggs from the Planet Zogg so I'll get another one."

"What's the song that coldplay wrote for you? Yellow. *Phil answers phone*"

"The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me."

"[eulogy] ""Before we get started I'd like to ask Jenny, Dawn, Rachel, the deceased's 2 sons and the entire front row to put down your phones"""

"I've never really gotten along with my brother.... I wish he was more like my mom...in that I wish he died three years ago"

"What's the difference between a mathematician and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family."

"2 peanuts are walking down the street One was asaulted"

"You may have a drinking problem - when your mother asks you to toast the bread.....and you raise your glass and say ""here's to the bread""!"

"If you're ever attacked by a bear play deaf, be like ""I can't even hear you bear"""

"Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf"