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Joke of the Day

"At the Republican convention they kept telling everyone to stop with the Bush-bashing... Who are they to tell me what I can and can't do in the bedroom!?"

"Life is like an asshole. Sometimes you don't get what you expect out of it."

"What's a fedora tippin neckbeard's favorite country? M'laysia"

"What is reddits least favorite dish? Kung Pao Chicken"

"A one-liner a came up with. I recently bought a superconducting electric heater... I was not impressed!"

"What do you call a Scottish man with no arms and no legs? a bell."

"Wife: ""You talk like some poorly written science fiction novel. I'm leaving you."" Me: ""I swear by the 12 moons of Bumtar I can change!"""

"What did the surrealist butcher name his shop? Salvador Deli"

"What's the difference between being hungry and horny? Where you put the cucumber in"

"A boy with an elephant on his head went to see a doctor. The doctor said ""You know you really need help"" ""Yes I do"" said the elephant ""get this kid off my foot !"""