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Joke of the Day

"Taking to people about your child abuse experience is the toughest part. The last time i did it, i had to spend 7 years in jail."

"What's red and silly? A blood clot."

"Meant to tell my daughter ""Good night, I love you,"" but it came out as ""Thank god you go back to school on Tuesday because this is bullshit"""

"How can you tell your boyfriend has gained weight? You fit into his clothes."

"Her + Gravity = 2001: A Space Odyssey"

"I Am So Depressed. I Think Suicide Is The Only Answer. If my bitch ex-wife would just commit suicide my life would be so much better."

"Whose parrot sits on his shoulder shouting ""Pieces of four""? Short John Silver!"

"What do you call a tornado holding a spork? The Mersenne Twister."

"If all of Ireland sank, what part of it wouldn't? County Cork"

"Uncle Sophia wants to remind you that cooking spray does *not* double as lube in a pinch."