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Joke of the Day
"I used to think love() was abstract, until you implemented it in MyHeart."
Next Joke
"mom: brush your teeth and put on your pajamas me: mom i'm a grown man. i don't need u telling me how to get ready for story time."
"How to make a Disney Pixar film: 1. Take something that doesn't talk 2. Make it talk"
"What do you do to a dead scientist? You Barium"
"Boy playing Pokemon go walks into a bar He should've been paying attention"
"I miss having Lance Armstrong at the Olympics He was dope."
"Contrary to popular criticism, Hillary doesn't suck. If she does, Bill wouldn't have needed Monica."
"Hillary Clinton's recent case of pneumonia just goes to show There's only one candidate who can dodge a draft."
"Why does BuzzFeed skip every other number when counting? They literally can't even."
"NURSE: She's in a coma. She's been on hungerstrike [boyfriend walks in with just enough chips for himself] PATIENT: *Opens one eye*"