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Joke of the Day

"Hillary Clinton's recent case of pneumonia just goes to show There's only one candidate who can dodge a draft."

"I played UNO with my cousins from Mexico last weekend. They just call it **ONE**"

"Cop: Lets go, boys, no meth in this house. *zoom to fish tank* Fish 1: *nods* Fish 2: [taps on pirate ship] Resume cooking, Lenny. *bubbles*"

"What's a word that starts with ""u"" and ends with ""w""? Cloning."

"Hey girl, are you magnesium iron silicate hydroxide? Because you'll be cummingtonite"

"TIL That I'm NEVER getting prostate cancer"

"Only works in German - What is the biggest monkey? - Giraffe!"

"When I wear those trendy sports bras with a million straps I get stuck in them like a seagull in a six pack ring"

"A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed. ""Have you any last requests? asked the chaplain. ""Yes,"" replied the murderer. ""Will you hold my hand?"""

"Rick Astley will let you borrow any of his George Clooney movies... But he's never gonna give you Up In the Air."