170955

Joke of the Day

"Buddy of mine dropped some acid... Burnt a hole in the floor... He was tripping for days!"

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves.... Free!"

"Why is a schoolhouse red? You would be too if you had 7 periods a day."

"What happened to the cold jellyfish ? It set !"

"I haven't got a Twitter account, so I just carry around a megaphone to announce what I'm doing at random times. So far I've got 3 followers but I think 2 are cops."

"If a tree falls in the woods it should break into a light jog so it looks like it did it on purpose."

"I like TV, I was watching Blue Peter today He's my neighbour with a heart condition who was walking his dog. I asked why he didn't have a pacemaker. He replied ""I can't even keep up with my dog""..."

"Did you hear about the cannibal who tried eating his clone? He was getting ahead of himself."

"The 3-year-old just held up some paper and said: ""Daddy, I'm reading the newspaper!"" Kids love dinosaurs."

"Saw a standup duo last night. One totally died on stage. The other killed. Actually, now I think about it, it might have been a cage fight."