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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a pig and a musician? A pig won't stay up all night to fuck a musician"

"What's the difference between a male and female table? A male table is made with hard wood."

"I always squat on the floor, wrap my arms around my knees and lean forward Cause that's how I roll."

"Why do girls suck at playing hockey as goalie? Because there are 3 periods and only 2 pads"

"Why are neutralization reations illegal? They involve assault."

"I went to a strawberry picking competition the other day, a woman with no arms and legs won it. Jammy cunt."

"Hey wanna take the elevator with me and discuss what day of the week it feels like? And then we can go over what day it actually is, deal?"

"Kanye on the beach, by the water, holding two large conch shells up to either ear. ""That's incredible"", he says ""When did I record this?"""

"[babies txting] ""my dad's thumb just came off"" wtf ""woah wait its back on again"" no way ""great he's stole my nose now"" im phoning the police"

"Son: ""Dad, can you give me 30 bucks?"" Dad: ""20 bucks? What the hell do you need 10 bucks for?!"""