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Joke of the Day

"Regardless of how strange your life can be, at least you're not the h in chameleon."

"I used to follow my dreams, but they all got restraining orders."

"Her: I want to have your babies. Me: You'll have to wait until they get off from school."

"What do fish do when they have cancer? Nemotherapy"

"*goes to pond* *duck hands me $100* ""Give me the hard stuff."" *hands over bag of croutons*"

"Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse? Better... or worse?"

"Stressed? Try this: Picture a lake at dawn. Ducks beginning to stir... Then drink 22 beers & drive your car into a church."

"There are now 3 undefeated cat teams in the NFL! The Panthers, the Bengals and the Cheetahs."

"Brussel sprouts are like anal sex. If you were forced to have them against your will as a child, chances are you won't enjoy them as an adult."

"Hey girl, if I could change up the alphabet, I'd replace U with a more interesting character. Since we're on anti-pickup lines today."