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Joke of the Day

"If you are the winner of Friday's $500 million Mega Millions jackpot can receive the winnings in one lump sum, yearly installments, or one tank of gas."

"Gun, while only being a letter away from gum, is definitely not something that your teacher wants you to share with the rest of the class."

"Ref: I'm sending you off Player: What for? Ref: The rest of the match!"

"6-year-old: Spill me some milk. Me: You mean ""pour."" 6: Not the way you do it."

"How do you obtain Kate Upton's nudes? Easy, go on Twitter right now."

"You know what I call a tube that comes with a caulk? A caulk block."

"What's black and white and red all over? A cow that's just been murdered."

"American light beer is like two people making love in a canoe... fucking close to water"

"A double whammy What's black on the bottom and white on top? Apartheid America. What's white on the bottom and black on top? A prison shower."

"What did people do every 5 seconds before Facebook and Twitter?"