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Joke of the Day

"Why was the kitchen full of awkward sexual tension? Because the pot never called the kettle back."

"I am so smart and good at arguments.. I am so smart and good at arguments, that in the end I end up beating myself!"

"TIL that humanity's new form of communication is acronyms What does FTFY even mean? I swear to god people abuse acronyms so much."

"Don't move to Mars because of president-elect Trump. Last I checked, it was a red state."

"A duck walks into a CVS... The duck walks up to the counter and says, ""I'd like to buy some chapstick."" The clerk says, ""Will that be cash or charge?"" The duck says, ""I'll just put it on my bill."""

"[on date] HER: I cant see u anymore ME (hiding under table): lol I know H: no I mean I cant see u anymore M (still under table): lol I know"

"I wish i could Google anything. I'd type: ""where da fuck iz my phone?"" and it'd be like: ""in da fridge dumbass."""

"I've recently invented a new gaseous compound I like to call 'Fuh'. I like to spray myself with it before I go out. It often causes people to Fuh-cough."

"Hubs: There's nothing on TV *winks* Me: Remember last time? *both look at 2yo* Hubs: There's over 900 channels, we'll find something"

"Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool? THEY KEPT DROPPING THEIR TRUNKS!"