148928

Joke of the Day

"How do you obtain Kate Upton's nudes? Easy, go on Twitter right now."

"You're like my hard drive. Fat and 32"

"When taking your dog to the vet it's very important to remember to put your dog in the car."

"Why do girls have to get periods? Why can't Mother Nature just text us and be all like ""yo bitch, you ain't pregnant. Catch ya next month homegirl""."

"Brian Williams told me if I lied I can get to the front page."

"When I was a kid I was afraid of the dentist... Probable because he was a pedophile. Which begs the question of, how many fillings did he give me?"

"So where do you see yourself in 5 years? How am I supposed to know, I don't have 2020 vision!"

"Did I tell you about my attempt to grow bananas in sand? It was fruitless."

"The trouble with lawyer jokes is that lawyers don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes."

"Ever turn the radio right to your favorite song as it's beginning? It almost makes up for the fact that everyone you love will die sometime."